why is it so hard to let go?

why is it so hard to forget?

you've hurted me, once, twice, even more.

but then always, there's something in my heart saying we're still for each other.

but that stupid feeling really hurts me.

cause it's all wrong! now i have to build my heart from the start,

and yeah am not going to give any chances for anyone to break it,

like i've let you to.

and now the time you've found your new one,

don't you know it really kills me?!

where's all the promises you've said?

is it that easy for you to break it?

yeah i should laugh as loud as i can.

all those things you've said about me, all those thoughts.

i've proven you're wrong.

see? in the end i'm the one who stand's still. and i'm the one who's going to love you,

i really hope not forever, but till the time i write this, im still deeply in love:")

cerita lain.......

ceyamat mayam cemuaaaaaaa<3 udah lama ya enggak nulis blog:( gue lagi pengen cerita aja nih terlalu banyak penat auch</3 ini udah hari minggu ajaya, tanggalnya bagus lagi 091011:-) dipastikan hari ini banyak yang jadian. selamat yaaaaa:-D aduh gatau harusn mulai cerita yang mana tapi semua cerita gue itu sedih:-( ya pertama sekolah gue hmm nilai sih ya bsa dibilang memuaskan, MEMUASKAN loh belom baik. kenapa dibilang memuaskan karena nilai gue gak cukup untuk mendapatkan setidaknya rangking 5 besar dikelas, kenapa? nihya seandainya lo udah dpet 90, yg notabene menurut semua orang nilai lo itu udah bagus, tapi anak kelas lo banyak banget yg dapet 100, yah 90 udah gak akan di anggep bagus lagi bukan?(jangan berpikiran sombong ya tapi angka tadi hanya contoh kokss;-)) hmm dan ya cita" gue sedari dulu adalah...........jadi dokter dan masuk FKUI, pake jaket kuning dan tiap hari nyetir lewatin tol panjang nyampe salemba semester pertama diujinyalinya di RSCM. huh mau bgt. tapi kalian tahu tidak quota bangu yg tersedia hanya 170 ya HANYA. sedangkan anak di kelas gue aja, cuman di kelas loh 7 orang yg mau masuk FKUI. gimana diluar sana, gue gaktau deh hhhh ya doakan ya supaya gue bisa:-) daaaaaan kalian tau apa 2 minggu yg lalu gue bru aja abis ujian awal semester. dan tadaaaaaa senin(besok) udah uts hahuhah apa"an ya sekolah</3 dan lebih gilanya lagi yayaya minggu depan ujian akhir semester. TUHAN YESUS BERKATILAH IVANNA. amen! ya apalagi ya gue mau cerita? hehehe gak ada kaliya, ohya cuman mau blg sesuatu buat seseorang diluar sana:

dear new girlfriend,

treat him well. he always act tough, even if he's not. 

don't let go of his kisses&hugs first, it puts a huge smile on his face. 

always hold his hand if he reaches for it, it will make him feel he owns you. 

And realize that you're having the greatest guy when you're dating him cause

he's one of the best thing, i've ever had. 
and please, dont ever hurt him cause he really dont deserve to be hurt.

sincerely,

his ex girlfriend</3

since i found you

i think of you in everything that i do
to be with you what ever it takes i'll do
cause you my love, you all my heart desires
you've lighten up my life forever i'm alive

since i found you my world seems so brand new
you've show me the love i never knew
your presence is what my whole life through
since i found you my life begin so new
now who needs a dream when there is you
for all of my dreams came true
since i found you

your love shines bright
through all the corners of my heart
maybe you are my dearest heart
i give you all i have my heart, my soul, my life
my destiny is you
forever true... i'm so in love with you

since i found you my world seems so brand new
you've show me the love i never knew
your presence is what my whole life through
since i found you my life begin so new
now who needs a dream when there is you
for all of my dreams came true
since i found you

my heart forever true...
in love with you.. 

another day... another story... noother feeling...

today is august the 17th hahahhaha HAPPY BIRTHDAY INDONESIA :D begitu menyedihkannya dihari ulang tahun kowos" sekola gue malah tubir hahhaha mau jadi penerus bangsa tapi kayak gitu astaga mending gausah sekoah deh lo kalo cuman mau ribut".. sebenernya ga masuk akal loh mereka bangga bisa kayak gitu! dikira keren apa?! kalo cewek yang bener sih gabakal ngelirik ya kecuali emang dasarnya ceweknya juga bandel.. paling didukung-_-sayang woy idup lo mau mati cuman karena hal bego kayak gitu?! hahaha maaf ya esmosi tp emg bodoh sih cowok" macem beraninya kroyokan! gak gentle hahahha hhh dan cerita yg lain.... bsok saya sudah berpisah kelas dengan X4 :( mulai besok udah gak ada sekolah main", bsa ganaek kali :( udah oktober udah ulangan semester 1 astaga menyedihkan.... ah demi cita"! ohiya ada cerita lg dr si labil Ivanna hehhe gue udh coba move on.. tp kenapa ya malah d paksa gni bawaannya nangis mulu?! kemaren gue crta ke Kania, eh dia malah blg kalo gue salah katnya 'lo mesti ngomong, sampe kapan lo cuman mau nunggu dia nyapa duluan, gabakal dia nyapa duluan van' agak nancep tp dia bener... cuman bukannya gue mementingkan gengsi apa gimana cuman ya emang susah gue a berani.. ya toh kan dia bentar lg jga tinggal nunggu udah ada yang baru.. gue udh 2kali mimpiin dia sm org lain astagaaa sakit bgt ya... yaa ud takdirnya.. gaboleh menyesali kesalahan" yg udah gue perbuat kecuali satu hal hahhahaa yah gue cuman bilangin ke semuanya ya... jadi cewek jangan bego... choose your heart wisely cause your heart could be so stupid, but your brain it will always protect your heart from making stupid decissions...itu ajasih dari pada nanti nyeselnya belakangan.. hahaha masa lalu mana bsa di ubah mana bsa di undo... lupa tuh ga segampang membalikkan telapak tangan, ngapus perasaan apalagi hahaha dan yg lain lagi hargailah apa yg lo punya saat ini, saat itu/ orang itu pergi.. bisa lo balikinnya? gak kan, bsa pun psti susah kalo lo udh sia"in.. mana ada org yg mau balik kalo udh di sia"in... jd hargai dan cintailah.... apalagi kalo udh sm org yg bener kecuali ga bener buang ajamah! cowok/cewek banyak kok di dunia, jangan mau ama yg gabener, mau sesayang apa tp kalo lo perthanain lo yg bego! hahahaha baca tweet"nya @jakartaKeras deh yaoloh nancep" semuaaa! hahahaa udah ah itu ajaa mau tidur lagi hahha gamo galau ohya doakan gue di sekolah ya dan doakan supaya gue lebih tegar :)

another grace ;) praise Lord

haaaaaaaalllllllllloooooooooooooo semuanya :) hehehehhe saya sedang sendiri di rumah semuanya kegereja :( eh tapi gue udah gereja pagi" hehehehe terus pulang tidur lagi dan sekarang saya sedang mengerjakan PR bahasa jermannya si Frau Niken cuman nyambi lah nulis blog nyeheheheeee ehiyaaa life's changing a lil bit wonderful loooh.. mulai hari ini gue udah ikut club tennis lagi.. since 2 years vakum hehehe masih sangat berniat dan mesti kurus ini selama SMA!!!! ehiya kemaren hari sabtu bangun pagi" gue udah di kagetkan dengan kabar yang begitu membahagiakan pertama dari Ali dia ping berkali" nah gue kebangun dengan mata yg masih sayu gue rada kesel dong orang lagi enak" tidur di bangunin... pas baca chatnya dia eh tau" dia ngmngin CIBI tp msh samar" pas baca lg dia blg 'ivannaaaaa Lo ketrima cibi :D' dan gue awalnya gak percaya... setelah itu ada bbm dr kania isinya 'ivanna selamat ya ketrima CIBI :*' masih agak gak percaya terus buka twitter eh udah ada mention dari si gila patrissss menyelamatkan lg.. hm yah masih takut mereka keliru tapi yg satu ini dapet bbm dr luthfi yg bukan temen sekelas gue dia blg 'selamat ya ketrima cibi van' gue spontan nnaya tau dr mana dia blg td di bacain woaaaaah gila lngsng seneng bgt gada ampun... I'LL END MY SENIOR HIGH SCHOOL YEARS IN 2 YEARS :D:D wohoooo Tuhan itu baik sekali... padahal gue udh pnya feeling ga ketrma dan indahnya gue gak tau hr apa pengumuman jd gue gak se deg"an yg parah" bgt heehehe yeah but this is just another beginning masuk CIBI itu gak gampang apalagi kalo udah di CIBI belajar harus ekstra lg hhh i know i may through it with my God and those support from people around me.... yeah doakan yaaa :) FKUI 2013 would be on me ;) yeah mungkin dengan ini juga i don't have any time for that stupid thing called romance.... yeah and anyway i know tme heals... even if i need some more seconds, minutes, hours, days, months or even years ;) Good has his own plan for me :) sekian, terimakasih :D

a little story of mine....

hallooo semua... sangkin bingungnya mau ngapain akhirnya gue memutuskan untuk menulis blog dan bercerita tentang berbagai hal :) and yeh i'm officially an utas in hujut hulup nangulub-_- school life isn't easy anymore, i didnt mean the subjects... pelajaran sih as far gak ada yg bkin stress" bgt... but those creature astaga ga bisa ngomong lagi.. berbahagialah kawan" yang mempunya sekolah dengan senioritas yang bisa di bilang tidak ada.... sangat teramat susah sekali meyakinkan diri sendiri bahwa satu tahun tidak lah lama... i have to cheer myself up everynight and every morning because i'm just to affraid going to school and meet my seniors :| kejadian di sekolah banyak bgt... gak mungkin di ceritain disini.. dan apalagi hal yg terjadi jumat lalu.. sukses bikin gue trauma dan entah kuat ke sekolah senin atau enggak, you may say i'm 'lebay' but you on't know how hard it is being an utas cause you're not.... dan bagaimanapun pihak" ngelarang cerita" ke siapa aja gue tetep setia bercerita sama mamaku tercinta and you know what... she asked me to move hellyeah gue langsung seneng... tapi sangat bergumul karena gue masih nunggu pengumuman CIBI... gue bener" punya feeling gue ga diterima :( sedih bgt ye, tapi it's good cause i've prepared my self for the worst even i still hope for the best :) yah bsa di bilang cuman ada 2 pilihan 'hello CIBI' atau 'goodbye 70 bulungan' :D just see later.. dan kehidupan di rumah opung, tinggal sama 2 tante dan 1 om tidak lah terlalu sepi... karena gue juga udah sibuk pulang skolah hrus les.. atau kadang kalo gak les tidur dulu bangun lngsng belajar... jadi even i dont have any brothers or sisters there to share with gue juga udah disibukkan... dan yeaaaah aku sudah besar lohhh pagi" sih msh di anter skolah tapi i go home naik bus \m/ ke les dan pulang skolah hehehe yah capek hrus jalan jauh juga but anyway siapa tau gue bsa kurus hahahahahahaa dan sekarang udah gapernah berantem sama mama lagi hehe ya gimana enggak tiap hari dia bbm cman bilang kangen blablabla trus kalo balik ke rumah ya di ajak jalan".. trus skrg juga dia makin baik... udah bebas aja pergi" mau kemana aja mau ampe jem brapa aja hehe kasian kali ya sama gue senin-kamis tersiksa cman bsa skolah-les-belajar D: gak taudeh mau crita apalagi hehehe may be it's enough...... bye :D

"I wish I could see through your eyes so I would know what you like to see. I wish I knew your wishes, so I could give you everything you want. I wish I dreamed the same dreams you do, and together we could make them come true. I wish I knew what makes you happy, so I could make you the happiest person in the whole world. And lastly, I wish I were a cell in your blood, so I would be sure I was somewhere in your heart." 

don't regret your relationship w your ex, you've choosen him/her, tho at the end you feel she/he's not the one you need for life, they actually gave sth for you to learn and make yourself a better person :)

cause a relationship isn't a game, think mature, if your couple was so in love with you but then you're not serious with it, you're breaking someone's heart. i mean being in a relationship wasn't an entertainment, but it's a way which 2 people come together as one filling each others flaws and backing each other up when they're having a problem :) not all pretty girl you meet everyday can fill you and not all handsome boy you're crazy with can always be there for you, know them well, know their heart then you may know whether they're the best/not ;;) old phrase : 'don't judge a book by it's cover' ;)

love without reason is the everlasting one, somehow i was agree :) if you love someone with one reason even millions how if those fact fade away, ex: i love him because he's kind so then when he's being a jerk then you stop loving him? it wasn't 'love' it's much like 'like' cause when you love someone you'll love anything in him even their flaws, i mean you can try to change him/her but truthfully that wasn't easy to remove our flaws that's why even if they can't change you have to accept them and fill their flaws with your excellence :) you need to know your couple well and understand each other :)

and then remember, if you really love someone don't give up on him/her, HOLD ON! you deserve him/her and she/he also deserves you as well :) and even if they break you, love will heal itself and continue its journey to get that special person whether by waiting or fight for it, all you need is faith and beliefs :)

Promise me that you'll stand by me forever. But if God forbid fate should step in and force us into a goodbye.
Someday, you'll have your own children, when they point to our pictures, please tell them my name, tell them how I hope they're ours, tell them that we used to be the happiest couple& build our dreams together.

end of the road - BOYZ2MEN

boy you know we belong together
I have no time for you to be playing
With my heart like this
You’ll be mine forever baby, you just see

We belong together
And you that I’m right
Why do you play with my head,
Hy do you play with my mind? 

Said we’d be forever
Said it’d never die
How could you love me and leave me
And never say good-bye? 

boy I can’t sleep at night without holding you tight
boy, each time I try I just break down and cry
Pain in my head oh I’d rather be dead
Spinnin’ around and around


Chorus:
Although we’ve come to the end of the road
Still I can’t let you go
It’s unnatural, you belong to me, I belong to you
Come to the end of the road
Still I can’t let you go
It’s unnatural, you belong to me, I belong to you


boy, I know you really love me,
You just don’t realize
You’ve never been there before
It’s only your first time

Maybe I’ll forgive you, hmm
Maybe you’ll try
We should be happy together
Forever, you and i

will you love me again like you loved me before
This time I want you to love me much more
This time instead just come to my bed
And baby just don’t let me, don’t let me down


boy I’m here for you
All those times of night when you just hurt me
And just run out with that other fella
Baby I knew about it, I just didn’t care
You just don’t understand how much I love you do you? 
I’m here for you

I’m not out to go out and cheat on you all night
Just like you did baby but that’s all right
Hey, I love you anyway
And I’m still gonna be here for you ’till my dying day baby
Right now, I’m just in so much pain baby
Coz you just won’t come back to me
Will you? just come back to me

(lonely)
Yes baby my heart is lonely
(lonely)
My heart hurts baby
(lonely)
Yes I feel pain too
Baby please

This time instead just come to my bed
And baby just don’t let me go

a little story of my life..

heeey i'm back :) udah lama ya gak nulis blog, sebenernya rencananya udah lama pengen cerita", malah tadinya mau nunda sampe hari rabu malem tapi hari ini gabisa tidur ya jadinya nulis aja deh :) mulai dari masalah sekolah yaa. minggu lalu eh 2 minggu lalu, pas hari pertama UN pulangnya gue daftar online di 70, terus pas hari apa ya? jumatnya setelah selesai UN gue verifikasi berkas. nah sabtu minggu depannya kan pengumuman, gue udah bener" takut, apa gue lolos verifikasi apa engga. eh tau"nya lulus :) nah terus selasa-rabunya gue tes disana ya well disana sekolahnya such good as GS, belnya mirip, gedungnya juga mirip malah sbnernya lebih besar hehe tp toiletnya hmmmmmm that's one my dislikes, and also bangku dan meja yg masih pake kayu, tapi semua full AC. nah hari pertama tesnya itu MAT & IPS :) hr kedua IPA&BI you guys will totally shocked kalau liat soalnya, hmm standarnya di atas UN jauh dan mirip" sama soal penabur bisa dibilang potensinya sama. nah well selama gue ujian gue tinggal di rumah opung hehe rumah gue kalau seandainya jadi masuk situ! (AMIIIIN!) and ada cerita yg sedih... opung boru gue dari bokap msuk RS lagi...... and kali ini karena dia kanker rahim :(:( tapi pas hari kamis udah di operasi :) and now everything's fine. pas hari jumatnya tgl 13/05 gue jagain dia di RS, gue nginep disana, tadinya rencananya kan hr sbtu gue mau liat pengumuman di 70 langsung . pas besok paginya gue udah kesana tuh naik taksi tapi sialnya kagak di pasang malah disuru liat di web. nahyaaa gue udah sangat" ketakutan harap-harap cemas! gue langsung telfon nyokap dan suru dia liat hehe dia pake lama lagi. tp dan ternyata gue LOLOS! urutan 51 dr 352 hehe :) PUJI TUHAN bgt! terus kan daya tampung maks buat anak luar 16 org nah yg lolos seleksi 16, emang nih Jakarta pelit ngsh daya tampung-_- tapi gue berdoa bgt biar gue bsa ngerjain TOEFL prediction gue hari rabu hehe :) ohya mau tau nilai guekah? BI 85 MAT 90 IPA 77,5 IPS 78 not that good but well if tried my best lah ;) soal gue diterima / enggaknya nanti itu semua rencana Tuhan, nyokap gue selalu mengajarkan kita untuk berserah berserah dan berserah. karena rencana Tuhan itu jauh lebih baik dari rancana manusia :)

dan hal k2 yg pengen gue ceritain itu ttg seseorang yg sangat teramat salah gue nilai! yeah girl i should know from the start that you're not that type of bestfriend i need. hmmm mungkin gue ini orangnya terlalu sensitif atau apa tapi gimana ya gue udah capek pendem, capek sakit hati jadi mending gue gausah temenan lagi sama dia, itu yang gue putusin, soal gue sekamar sm dia di bali ya apa boleh buat, biarkanlaaah..........

the last but not least, something made me really happy, well someone realized me something, that someone showed me that ....... *maksutnya titik" itu sesuatunya itu* and that's why i'm still holding on ummm even if i was upset because of........... but i choose to over think about the positive side not the negative one. and well i believe if we're meant to be sooner or later God will make the way............ and this time i really miss that someone, i really wish he could be here i miss his voice his arms his 'kebawelan' and this is funny but most of them i miss OUR FIGHTS :') the point is I MISS EVERYTHING ABOUT THAT SOMEONE! ISLYSM <3:D

i just wanna throw everything away from my heart :)

halooo semua. bagaimana dunia memperlakukan kalian? (re:how's life treating you?) kalau bagiku dunia semakin jahat :( hmm, gue mau cerita sesuatu yang pasti dibilang gue labil. yah, sudah wajar ya masa-masa remaja di umur yg seperti gue ini orang labil. besok gue harus daftar ke 70, tapi tiba-tiba ada sesuatu yang bikin gue gamau pindah, ya dan itu cuman gue yang tau, temen-temen gue dan keluargapun gatau. kalau ditanya nyokap kenapa gamau pindah emang? gue slalu bilang mau tapi mau tetep tinggal disini. ya sebenernya emang sih alesannya gue gabisa pisah dari temen-temen gue yang sekarang, pisah sama adek-adek gue. gue slalu mikir apa bakal ada temen baru yang mengerti gue? apa ada temen baru yang mau dengerin curhatan gue yang itu-itu aja? apa ada temen baru yang terima kegilaan gue? apa ada temen baru yang bisa diajak bolos kalau lagi ngantuk ke sekolah? LOL kayaknya semua itu gue cuman dapet di GS ya hehepasti suasana berubah :( ohya, skrg gue lagi UN looh, tp sangkin stressnya sama masalah sekolah baru ini gue jd ganiat belajar :( di tambah ada satu masalah lagi yang selalu terbayang", padahal kalau msalah yg ini selesai gue bisa loh pindah dengan damai. ya i'm the one who knows it! ohya gue juga belom mau pisah sama anak-anak 9E!!!!!!! I LOVE YOU GUYS SO DAYUUUUUUM MUAAAACHHHHH! apalagi tere mia debo ceping dkk. :(:( ah udah ya itu aja tolong ya semua doakan gue, semoga gue bsa bersabar menghadapi dunia yang hina ini. dan bisa berserah sama rencana Tuhan :(

i know God has a plan for me and his plan is better than my plan :) 

closer to you - josef hedinger

its pouring down like rain
and no denyin it, baby
and now it's started to flame
Oh boy you got me going insane in a good way
can't get you off of my brain
ain't that a shame

if there is just one thing that i gotta do
is wrap my arms around you
and hold you close and never let you go

can I get closer?
can I get closer?
can I get closer?
closer to you

now can i wipe away your tears?
wipe away your fears?
be the woman that you need me to be
can i get closer?
closer to you

now lately i've been thinking bout him
and i just dont understand
how God can make a man so handsome?
so perfect for one woman

coz when i wake in the morning
and i think about your face
no one in this world could ever take your place
its u me, we are meant to be, baby oh

and now im thinkin to myself whats goin on?
coz its too good to be true
but then i remember there's a God up there sayin'
girl, this one's for you

nb: and now i'm feelin like it's so hard for me to get close to you like we used to :(

crazy little sister called emily ;)

hellooooow people :) i just cameroid-ed some picts w my crazy little sister ;) her name is emily, wanna see some? here they are:

that's all :):) 

over sensitivity.

HELL-O people, how's life treating you? well life's trating me like b*tch now HEEEEEELLLL! everyone's changing, C-H-A-N-G-I-N-G bestfriends become strangers, strangers become bestfriends thats totally awkward. except those changes of people around me, my heat is also changing *ababil* it's acting OVER SENSITIVE well, i'm an sensitive person but before it i wasn't OVERLY SENSITIVE! and you know what, it kills me :( what would you say if a friend of you or even bestfriend speak bad things about you INFRONT  of you with her innocent face?! i won't yell at her or even get mad, but please my heart's breaking! heart breaks not only because of love things but it also breaks because of any judgments, wrong opinion! fyi, i don't hate people breaking my heart i just feel like it's better for me to take far steps from them, you probably know what i mean! okay than the second one is, what would you feel if someone called herself your bestfriend actin like one but she can't even understand how you really are even you've been with her for 4 years long and you've told her about your dislike about her, and she understood it but she repeat it for about 3 times?! HELL, was i wrong choosing bestfriend? people i feel like they wasn't my bestfriend because i just know them for a short period of time understands what i mean when i tell them my dislikes about them, wait i am not speaking about 'I want everyone to change for me' but i am talking about a FRIENDSHIP and how i and my bestfriend take part in! this person really realized me that BESTFRIEND WASN'T BASED ON HOW LONG YOU KNOW SOMEONE BUT HOW COULD YOU UNDERSTAND EACH OTHER. and pleae to everyone, STOP BEING STUBBORN, you should try to listen to people's opinion than listening to your own opinion, PEOPLE SEE YOU, GOD GIVE YOU RELATIVES TO HELP YOU TO BE A BETTER PERSON! when people hates you please watch yourself, 'have i done sth wrong?' not ' she hates me i hate her back HAHA' i call this kind of person STUPID! ah i'm done with these things, i really wish i am someone without any heart or a fragile heart who won't feel any pain when someone try to break it and won't care how people around me say bad words or any other mean things in front of me! well, before you dismiss me, listen:

1. I won't take any shixz from people who doesn't meant much in my life. i mean i won't listen to bad opinions about me from people who doesn't know me well or who haven't known me for such a long time! but when my besties or family speak bad about me i feel like i just wanna disappear!
2. I won't get hurt when i know that person didn't mean it, like when we're joking together or that person have ever told me that ' when i mock you or speak bad things about you im joking i appreciate this kind of people!
3. When i am deeply in love with someone i won't keep those words in my heart cause my sensitivity doesn't work to someone i deeply love (this thing happens to me after sth i've been trough, and probably i am still trough it) cause well i knew him before and when he speak something bad about me there are many meanings behind it and boyfriend talks and bestfriend talks well the way they say it to me should be different, and certainly are! 

so people or strangers when you say anything about me SORRY i won't think about it and people whom my heart's being sensitive to, YOU GUYS MEAN A LOT TO ME :) 

if you have PEACE within yourself nobody can touch you no matter WHAT happens! mom said this to me, but well, i can't even fight myself now, but i have to try, but well people can't change directly :)

when brain and heart fights......

have you ever feel this thing? have your heart ever fight with your brain? which one will you choose to be the winner? well, this feeling was with me since, hmm kinda 3 or 4 months ago, i've been sth trough, well sth which is played by heart, and sth i can't refuse i have to been trough. i got a problem or in other words, sth is happening which i have to see with my eyes, think it with my brain and feel it with my heart. sth called LOVE, but wait what i'm feeling now is sth about love but well the main problem wasn't i am in love but i am broken, actually my heart is the one who's broken, i'm still me! i got so many things to see to hear and that's all about HIM, well don't judge that easy who i mean, some of you may know but some of you WON'T know! there's too many facts that shows that all both of us been trough is OVER, my brain says it too, it says that there's no chance for me to make everything clear, there's no chance for me to begin this love, there's no chance foe me to be his again, but here's the problem, my heart comes, with the feeling of being hurt and says ' DONT WORRY DEAR, YOU'LL BE BACK TOGETHER, BUT THIS AIN'T THE RIGHT TIME, BE PATIENT ' it always says it, everytime sth new happens. i just wanna say to my heart ' hey stupid heart, don't you realize that you've been hurt, but why do you have to depend on this thing to much ' hhhh, im exhausted. i've tried to listen to my brain but my heart always win, and sometimes my brain listen to my heart, then how hard i try to move on, i'll always forget that i have to move on! though people say that heart will always be right,but if you know the real story youll say my heart's wrong! too stupid but thats me, i can't even control myself, i can't even avoid my heart of being hurt.

what a beautiful day :)

hell-O peppo, how's life treating? fine? huuuuh? if u ask how's mine? i'll directly answer fine :) hari ini hari terakhir UP loooooh :):) eh sumpah bgt loh td nyesek bgt pas up voli, masa pas latihan gue bisa eh pas UP malah cman 1 yg masuk :(:(:( shixzzzzz hate it! hmm, terus abis UP gue ke rumah oji loooh, sama nadine cindy sharon evan kenny zef jm. awalnya tuh ya kita nungguin si oji lamaaaaaaa bgt dia pacaran dulu gitu deh sm si sasha hehe sbel deh gua ngguin org pacaran *kayak lo gaperna pcran aja iv* ahahhaha terus tuh kita naek angkot ke rumah dia, abis itu beli dvd, stlah itu kita naek becak, yeaaaaah BECAAAAK \:)/ gue dmen bngt deh naek becak :):) kita kayak pawai gitudeh 5 becak, hehe gue sm cindy 1 becak, kita pling terakhir, biasa gitu ya org penting butuh di kawal :p nah stelah itu pertama kita nntn paranormal activity 2, itu film hmmmm lumayanlahya, tp ga gitu nyeremin hehe terus ke2 kita nntn black swan, eh si zef ama kenny marah" katanya film kagak jelas, but well sorry, u need to have a great brain 2 understand that movie :p emg sih agak aneeeeh dan some scenes rn't good to be watched by us hehehe thats yaaaaackieee! nah abis itu si zef nntn lg apa gitu kalo gasalah 30 days to nights ato apa hehe tp gue ndine cindy shrn jm ke kmarnya oji, tntu sm ojinya ngbrol" gitu hehe trus si oji malah otp, si sharon ama jm berduaan gitu deh maen ayunan ecieeeee :p eh katanya curhat"an, smpe smua org bngung dah sbnernya pacarnya si shrn tuh si jm ato si ...... -__________- eh pas nyokapnya oji si tante gahuuuuul pulang, kita semua balik ke ruang tamu, and ternyata ada inccident gitu deh, hpnya si shrn di umpetin sama............ kankan pada nuduh gue , ophya jd d umpetinnya itu di tasnya JM, hehe emang sih pada rese abis nuduh" gue, trus saling tuduh"an deh, kcuali 1 org yg cman bsa bela diri, tuh si zef, eh kita smua kan mikir dia dong, tp dia ttp gamo ngaku, terus gue suruh siapapun yg ngerasa nyembunyiin dan tau siapa ngaku, eh si kenny ngaku deh dia blg dia yg ngusulin tp zef yg umpetin, nah kan anehnya udh ada saksi gitu, tuh manusia bebal msh gamo ngaku oh please-_- udh d desek" ampe dia sumpah" kagak mo ngaku, ampe kita blg putus ama gaby loh, eh dia malah blg putusin aja, HEY MAAAAAAN LO KIRA LO CKEP BNYK YG MAU?! najis abis ada cowok kayak lo x_x tapi akhrnya skian lamaaaaaa kita mendesak dia ngaku juga, terus stelah itu nih ya, kita berdebat lg, kenapa?! karena bantuin zef mau pulang dia gapunya ongkos, eh tp sm aja deh udh kita pusing" ampe si tante gahoool juga pusing, si zef ttp aja bebal-_______- udahlah manusia macem lo mati aja weeeeey! dan sampe akhirnya kita pulang deeeeeh :) pelajaran yg gue dpet hr ini : jangan berbohong nnti org" d sekitar lo gbkal percaya sm lo lg!

keep relationships working

1. Love each other
2. Don't lie
3. Keep communication open
4. Stay sweet
5. When you get hurt just forgive and forget
6. Never talk about break-ups
7. Never say it's okay even when it's not
8. Forget about "pride" 9. If you say sorry mean it
10. Don't compare your past with your present
11. Don't talk about your stupid ex's
12. Give and take process
13. Beware of his/her feelings
14. When you had a fight, don't let the day pass
15. Don't be the perfect one, be the right one

i hope this one is you....

random

heeeey :) waaaah hari ini seru sekali kawan" :):) pagi" gue ujian praktek haha oke ga selesai HTMLnya yah agak menyesal tp tdak perlu d bahas, setelah itu kan lg lthn apres, eh si dea cerita sumthing that makes me really sad :(:( gue lngsng nggis bombay entah kenapa-_- begoknya gua haha 2 jam d abisin dengan tangisan that's stupidhhhhh! wkwk hemm trus kan pulang sekolah gue ke grejanya mia, nah itu tuh msh dngan beban d hati gue *cieelaaah* hm, tapi disana geeeeez EVERYTHING CHANGE! dr awal tuh d ajak nyembah Tuhan well, disitu peweeee bgt lohhh haha dia itu seakan" mau ngjak remaja udah gausah ke diskotik, d greja tuh lebih seruloh, dan itu bener bgt! lo bsa all out muji Tuhan, mau smpe loncat" gpp tp inget itu untuk Tuhan hanya untuk memuliakan nama Tuhan hehe hmm ohya pas kan nania nyanyi kan, si garren tuh ngmng ' kalo menurut lo pada lagu ini nyentuh boleh ko berdiri' eh kan dia nyanyi 'because of who you are' and well that's my favorite songggg :):):) try to listen! eh tau ga gue mia echa sama elisha sama temennya echa berdiri plg pertama loh, dan gue bener" ga merasa malu karna disini gue cuman mau nyembah Tuhan! hehe masa buat Tuhan malu?!

nah abis itu kan khotbah, well om gilbert do the khotbah reallly goooood that touch hmmm dia tuh khotbah awalnya ttg dosa" kita d belakang, hmm mnurut gue itu sangat bergunaa bagi gue karna hidup gue yang dulu tuh bener" dikuasain sama setan, gue bandel bgt and i did many things that ppl won't guess haha tp gue mau bangkit setan boleh nguasain hidup gua dulu tapi kedepannya? GAAKAN! gue juga tadi kayak bener" melepas semua beban hidup, pergumulan gue , karna asal lo tau meskipun lo blg ke org" 'lo tuh ga ngerti apa yg gue rasain skrg' Tuhan selalu ngerti jd mending lo cerita sama dia, cuman dia yg mengerti lo luar dalem, bahkan lebih dr bonyok lo! :):) Tuhan Yesus tuh yg paling sayang sama lo, lebih dari siapapun! dan disaat lo sedih, ga guna deh tuh nanggis, mending lo apus terus tersenyum dan berkata, Tuhan Yesus akan terus peduli sama gue :) ohya jangan lupa loh, di balik orang sukses pasti ada masalah, ada orang yg nyakitin karena masalah' itu akan membuat iman kita lebiiiiih gede lagi! jd kalo ada masalah ato ada yg nyakitin hati lo, belajar dan lihat sisi baiknya :)

ohya kan kita udah mau UN US nihh hehe kita tuh harus melakukan dua hal belajar dan berdoa, mana nih yg lebih penting well the answer is belajar seperti doa tak ada kuasanya dan berdoa seperti belajar gada gunanya :):) Tuhan pasti bantu lo ko, gada yg mustahil p lo juga hrus berusaha, coba deh kalo belajar doa dulu sm Tuhan, kalo mau ujian juga sblom ngerjain ato msuk ruangan sempetin doa, masa sih buat Tuhan gada waktu?! haha ohya terus mending yg kepahitan" dl hati lo, pergumulan keluarin dulu, biar lo juga lega, biar Tuhan Roh Kudus bsa bener" mengisi hati lo! jangan ada dendam :):) ohya kelupaan, gue pengen bgt gue bsa nyembah Tuhan semaximal ini bukan cuman saat gue d greja td, tp dalam setiap hal yg gue lakuin, smua hal hanya untuk kemuliaan Tuhan! :)

You are the Way, the Truth and the Light

We live by faith and not by sight for You, 

We're living all for You......

adolescents and parents rules

hell-o peeppoooo :) well i am taking this title, cause i think mostly teenagers have much problems w their parents rules, well im one of them! well actually the point is sometimes parents treat us same as their parents treat them when tey were a teen but HELL-O era's changing mom dad! but sometimes they still won't understand :( my parents are alike, they always says ' when i was a child....... ' oh geez i'm exhausted.
and well, actually the one thing teenagers need is FREEDOM! we hate being restraint, we just want that our parents never over protect us lyk calling us every hour asking where are you, when will you come home? or other sick things! but sometimees i ignore their call and said ' sorry mom, i didn't hold my phone, and i silent it' HAHA and she won't say anything again. ah udahlah cpek ngmng inggris nti ke indo yeeeeaaaaah :p hmm, terus yang paling gue benci itu soal jalan, pasti di tanya hmm kamu pergi sama siapa nanti pulang jam berapa? jangan malem" ya, nonton apa blablabla YaTuhan gue udaaaah gede!!!!! i can take care of myself lah ya, ga ampe diculik juga haha siapa coba yg mau culik! dan kedua gue benci bgt di larang" soal pake baju! nyokap gue itu baweeeeeeel banget astaga heeeeek this is my body, and i do have a big self confidence! ya pasti kan apa yang menurut lo bagus ya itulah yg lo pake, nah nyokap gue itu terlalu melarang" gue memakai baju yg well, menurut dia ga bagus! udahlah hushushush i hate it! yah itulah hal" yang gue benci dr ortu gue, hmm walaupun skrg dia udh ga gitu perduli soal pergi'an gue keluyuran dan itu semua gara" bokap gue haha dia memng lebih mengerti gue :):) tapi tetep aja gue kadang suka iri sama orang" yang ga perna di kekang, ga d kasih jam malem, ga di atur" ya walaupun gue tau emang ortu gue namanya lebih perhatian sama gue dan gamau gue kenapa" tpkan gue gabakalan setiap hari juga pulang malem! and oh yaaaaa saat gue SMA nanti, gue kan tinggal ama tante gue tuh dan yeaaaah gue sudah bener' bisa membayangkan gimana kehidupan gue nanti yg pasti dikekang lebih mateng dr pada sama ortu gue, hhhh siap" aja deh gue tahan uji! dimana: orang tuh masa" SMA d pake have fun eh gue?! penyiksaaaaan!!!!!! okelah segini aja curahan hati gue kali ini well byeee :)

dear someone ............

I try to talk to you, but I don't know what to say. I am afraid you don't want me to say anything. So I don't. But inside of me there are words waiting to come out. And tell you how I feel-like how I miss you. And how I love you despite my broken heart. And how I need you in my life. And especially how much I want you to come back. But those words may forever stay in myheart-locked inside. Sometimes I wonder if there are words locked inside you too... but I'll never know.

they can smile, why can't i?

hell-o peppoooo (: i'm going to share my story about today! hmm today i went to an orphanage at kelapa gading well i don't really know what the name of that orphanage is!-_- i really enjoy my visit, then i met aboy named peter he's a really brave boy, and i bet he's smart :) he asled me so many thinks bout my handphone bout my camera and he said that he likes photography, well thats a lil bit strange for a 1st-grade-pirmary-student then he also likes music, he can play 'gendang' and i really see he's so into guitar! and guess what? he's birthday is april 5th yeah 4 days after mine ;) i promised him to come on his bday bring him some present and i won't lie ;) here i got a picture with him: 

  

well this picture is taken by his friend called brandon HAHA brandon is also an interesting kid. he asked me to borrow my phone and when i didn't allow he said ' ih pelit nanti masuk neraka loh ' haha i can't stop myself smiling then i gave it to him :) then when we're doing a sermon, a little boy sang a song geez i really want to cry but then i hold 'em! he sang 'pelangi kasih' but then he sang it lyk this:

apa yang ku alami kini

mungkin tak dapat aku mengerti

cobaan yang aku alami 

tak melebihi kekuatanku

tangan Tuhan sedang merenda

suatu karya yang agung mulia

saatnya kan tiba nanti

ku lihat pelangi kasihNya :)

but then he still can smile!  then all of the children said : ' walaupun mama papa aku meninggalkan aku, tapi aku tahu Tuhan Yesus ga akan meninggalkan aku' okey that's touching! they can smile, they can play, they really understand that they are left by their parents but then they're happy with their new family! then i watch myself, i have so many things their didn't have i have my parents, my brother and sisters, i got too many blessings but then my smile wasn't even happier than theirs :( but then i'll try, i'll try to thank God for every blessings in my life, and maybe i need to study much more things from those orphans :)

what-a-damn-day

a day full of facts coming out, cries, regrets, heart-breaks, the point is today wasn't really my day! feel like i've forgotten every single words of God! :'(:'(:'(:'(:'(

Amore ha bisogno di fede!

after 2 posts about life dilemas then i'll write another love post! hmm, love is the most interesting topic for teens, isn't it? does anyone know what does the title of this post means? after reading my post well you'll know :)

i believe that all of you have ever felt the wonderful side of being in love and also the worse side of it! but is that love something that will last forever or it's just that simple junior-high-love or high-school-love that most people say wouldn't last forever? actually, i believe in those statement 50% and disbelieve 50%. sometimes it doesn't make sense if there's a couple that will last from junior-high till they marry! yeah well maybe the scale is about 1:1000. but then there's three type of the junior-high couple till marry. first, they are in  relationship from junior-high/high-school, till marry without any break up! second, they were a junior-high couple but they break up and they met when they're big and have a marriage, third they were a junior-high couple they break-up but then they're still friends and in love but doesn't stand in a relationship! which one do you prefer?

actually, we have to learn the way Jesus loves us :) he never cares about or badness or goodness, the only point is he will love us always and forever! could human love their fellow as good has loved them? if we can't then how can we love our almighty God? 

then when we talk about love actually what most matter is TIME , people says "i will love you FOREVER" and others say "i will wait for you FOREVER" well, forever really exists but DOES FOREVER EXIST IN LOVE? the first thing you should remember is never make a promise if you're not sure whether you can do it or not! why? cause if one of you broke those promise it will really hurt the one you've promised to! and then you'll be also hurt cause then he may broke his too! but then there's only one way one act one word to make FOREVER really exist in a relationship! all you need is FAITH . if you have a faith in loving someone you will never really stop loving that person, and then if he/she is gone, with putting faith on their return it might become real! i am a dreamer and i am never afraid in having too high expectation, why? cause i believe in it with faith! people say 'don't have to high expectation cause when it doesn't become real you'll get down!' it's not true! cause the time you'll get down that's the time devil will tempt you, just run to God ;) and then if you really love someone faithfully, he/she won't be able to turn back from you, well they may move on but then by watching your faithful and sincerity love they'll be back and won't ever ever let go of you ;) so the point is LOVE NEEDS FAITH!

WHAT-A-LIFE

hell-o, udah lama yak engga nulis blog, hem okay padahal sebenernya gue baru punya blog dan baru kurang-lebih 4 hari engga nulis. kenapa? yak karena gue baru saja menghadapi*cieelah* tryout rayon. tepatnya hari selasa dan rabu tanggal 1 dan 2 bulan maret taun 2011! hari pertama itu matematika dan bahasa, dan yg bikin nyesek itu mat gue udh salah 2 :( itu yang ketauan lah? gimana yg engga ketauan, terus bahasa, hmm lebih susah lagi! ya gue emang bener" bego dalam bahasa indonesia! hari ke 2(hari ini) gue TO IPA sama inggris, nah ini nih lebih nyesek lagi IPA gue salah 5, dan inggris udah 2, itu yg ketauan! sebenernya sih yang nyesek bgt itu IPA loh gue udh bela"in bangun jem 3 tadi pagi eh salah 5 ckck, cuman gue berusaha untuk engga larut dalam penyesalan ya kalo bisa gusah nyesel lah, TO itu *seperti kata guru"* jadiin buat belajar, kan kita udah salah nih nah kalo ada soal kayak gitu lagi yak semoga ga salah lagi, hehe ameeeeeen! eheh tunggu *alur:maju-mundur* tau ga masa fisika nmr 1 gue udah salah?! dan tau ga soalnya apa? baca stopwatch!!!! yg buat menit gue blg detik eh yg buat detik gue blg menit, dan itu TOLOL! cuman sih kalo kayak gini kesalahan yg fatal gaakan gue lupain dan gue jadikan pelajaran! HAHA ohiya, td pagi juga si sir sangkuh khotbah gitu ttg ujian" hidup, dia blg ujian itu harus kita hadapi untuk menjadikan masa depan yg lebih indah *sebenernya ga gitu tapi kurang lebih maksutnya gitu*.

di dalam hidup itu banyaaaaaaak sekali ujian, hmm bukan cuman ujian" dari sekolah. ada ujian yang berat ada yang ringan" aja. tapi jangan karena ujian" itu kita jadi mikir kalau hidup itu menyengsarakan! well, i've taught lyk this before, tapi semakin gue larut dan terus-terusan memikirkan masalah itu gue semakin tau kemana arah yang harus gue tempuh! yak satu"nya jalan itu berserah sama Tuhan! remember:

1. Tuhan itu ga pernah mengijinkan sesuatu terjadi kalau dia tau anak"Nya tdk bsa menghadapi! sama kayak semua Firman yang Dia firmankan di alkitab, Tuhan bilang Dia tidak akan berfirman jika Ia tahu anak"nya tdak mungkin melakukannya! jadi sebenernya semua yang Tuhan firmankan itu pasti kita bisa lakuin! *oke menyimpang tp biarlah gue memberitakan sejenak* 
2. Selalu berdoa minta penyertaan Tuhan dan rajin-rajin baca alkitab supaya lo tau apa yang Tuhan inginkan dalam hidup lo! dalam segala kesedihan, kesakitan, kepahitan dalam hidup lo, jangan pernah cari pelarian yang membuat lo jauh dari Tuhan, ya lari ke hal" yang gabener *ngertilahya maksut gue* ya mungkin emang hal-hal kayak gitu bisa bikin lupa masalah lo sejenak, tapi setelah itu apa maslah lo akan selesai? apa lo akan lupa maslah lo? engga kan!! tapi percaya sama gue kalo lo berdoa, minta penyertaan Tuhan pasti damai Roh Kudus bakal ada dalam diri lo! dan dengan lo baca alkitab, lo bakal tau gimana cara lo ngadepn ujian" / masalah" dalam hidup lo! try it! OUR GOD IS BIGGER THAN A PROBLEM!
3. jangan pernah berpikir kalau lo orang paling malang di dunia!kalo lo pernah punya pikiran kayak gitu lo bener" salah, hey, jangan menganggap diri lo orang yang paling harus di kashiani, kadang kita blg ke org laen ' lo gatau rasanya jadi gue' well, emang beberapa orang ga tau dan gaakan tau tapi tetep aja sesedih'nya hidup lo seberat"nya masalah lo, cobalah untuk berfikir 'masalah gue kecil, gue pasti bisa ngadepinnya!' dan ada orang lain yang lebih patut di kasihani dr pada gue! dan kadang masalah kita itu makin menjadi" bukan karena emang masalah itu besar tapi pikiran kita yang negatif! 

lo mungkin berpikir gue ngemeng doang haha but so sorry you're totally wrong, gue bener" pernah ngalamin semua yang gue tulis dan ya walaupun ada masalah yang emang belom selesai tapi gue sadar, masalah gue sbenernya masalah kecil yang bisa gue selesain tapi gue selalu berusaha untuk lari dari itu, gue engga bisa menghadapi itu. kalau masalah yang lain antara temen antara orang tua atau dll, hmm privacy pasti akan selalu gue hadapi, dan cara gue dulu dan sekarang bener" berbeda! kita masih muda, masalah kita pasti bukan masalah rumit yang suka d hadepin sama orang tua kita! so always try to fix it ;)

hypocrites! haters!

I know, we're all living with masks on our face. Hypocrites. And haters. i admit that i'm that kind of person and well some of you doesn't need to refuse it too! see, we usually play w ppl we hate, we judge them, we talk about them, we disfigure them, but then in front of them we say 'hello' and give them our best smile! HAHA what-a-life! but then i got a few friends that hearts like an angel, they can't hate ppl, but like life has taught me that there's nobody perfect, they may judge ppl and talk about their*the bad ppl's* badness too!the difference between an evil person and those angel hearted person is the evil one will act lyk there's nothing wrong in front of them and play lyk they're best friend! but those angel hearted will come to them and explain 'why do much ppl dislike you'.


well, this happens to me all the day ;) i admit that i'll do those 2 things above, once again then i remember that no one's perfect in this entire whole world, even hero's have the right to bleed. to some ppl i'll choose wearing my mask and be hypocrite, why? cause when i try to tell them that i dislike them, i surely know that they'll say 'hey don't you have a mirror' and we'll end up being enemies, and i don't want to get more and more enemies. well actually those i can't tell, are those who surely hates me too, i know that out there, there are a bunch of people hating me, i'm sorry but it's better for you trying to tell me cause i'll appreciate every-little-thing someone tells me and i'll try to change, but again don't expect too much from me, cause i'm the type of person hardly change *too many facts*. but, out of it to those who hates me a little or a lot, and if you read this, it's better for you to say everything you hate in front of me or just act lyk you hate me or you don't know me cause when i know that you hate me and you still act lyk i'm your bestbestbest friend, i'll disrespect you, sorry but no offense! but to some ppl, lyk my closest friends, my classmates, i'll choose saying to them, we'll i've tried some of them listens but some of them ignore, but because of telling them i feel lyk everything's clear cause i won't expect much things from others that i think i can't do it too, the point is i've been honest! 


and for haters of mine, listen :

"I am beautiful no matter what they say

Words can't bring me down

I am beautiful in every single way

Yes, words can't bring me down

So don't you bring me down today"

- Christina Aguilera

i aint gonna take shixz of you guys,

 cause i love me the way i am and for those justice you say about me... 

CHIN UP, WIDE SMILE, WALK AWAY, AND BYEBYE !

when a simple ' HELLO ' grows ......

everything begins with a simple ........

we say 'HELLO'

then we became .......

friends, talking about ourselves, our likes, dislikes, sharing stories ;) 

then we knew each other better.

suddenly, we feel lyk we suite each other and ........

we lay sth called LOVE on each other ;) 

the sweetest feeling ever :)

and LOVE grows with a simple........

we hug and kiss each other, to be together is our pleasure ;)

then we begin to......

promise each other to be together FOREVER :)

and.....

we hope we'll end lyk this :)