when brain and heart fights......

have you ever feel this thing? have your heart ever fight with your brain? which one will you choose to be the winner? well, this feeling was with me since, hmm kinda 3 or 4 months ago, i've been sth trough, well sth which is played by heart, and sth i can't refuse i have to been trough. i got a problem or in other words, sth is happening which i have to see with my eyes, think it with my brain and feel it with my heart. sth called LOVE, but wait what i'm feeling now is sth about love but well the main problem wasn't i am in love but i am broken, actually my heart is the one who's broken, i'm still me! i got so many things to see to hear and that's all about HIM, well don't judge that easy who i mean, some of you may know but some of you WON'T know! there's too many facts that shows that all both of us been trough is OVER, my brain says it too, it says that there's no chance for me to make everything clear, there's no chance for me to begin this love, there's no chance foe me to be his again, but here's the problem, my heart comes, with the feeling of being hurt and says ' DONT WORRY DEAR, YOU'LL BE BACK TOGETHER, BUT THIS AIN'T THE RIGHT TIME, BE PATIENT ' it always says it, everytime sth new happens. i just wanna say to my heart ' hey stupid heart, don't you realize that you've been hurt, but why do you have to depend on this thing to much ' hhhh, im exhausted. i've tried to listen to my brain but my heart always win, and sometimes my brain listen to my heart, then how hard i try to move on, i'll always forget that i have to move on! though people say that heart will always be right,but if you know the real story youll say my heart's wrong! too stupid but thats me, i can't even control myself, i can't even avoid my heart of being hurt.

what a beautiful day :)

hell-O peppo, how's life treating? fine? huuuuh? if u ask how's mine? i'll directly answer fine :) hari ini hari terakhir UP loooooh :):) eh sumpah bgt loh td nyesek bgt pas up voli, masa pas latihan gue bisa eh pas UP malah cman 1 yg masuk :(:(:( shixzzzzz hate it! hmm, terus abis UP gue ke rumah oji loooh, sama nadine cindy sharon evan kenny zef jm. awalnya tuh ya kita nungguin si oji lamaaaaaaa bgt dia pacaran dulu gitu deh sm si sasha hehe sbel deh gua ngguin org pacaran *kayak lo gaperna pcran aja iv* ahahhaha terus tuh kita naek angkot ke rumah dia, abis itu beli dvd, stlah itu kita naek becak, yeaaaaah BECAAAAK \:)/ gue dmen bngt deh naek becak :):) kita kayak pawai gitudeh 5 becak, hehe gue sm cindy 1 becak, kita pling terakhir, biasa gitu ya org penting butuh di kawal :p nah stelah itu pertama kita nntn paranormal activity 2, itu film hmmmm lumayanlahya, tp ga gitu nyeremin hehe terus ke2 kita nntn black swan, eh si zef ama kenny marah" katanya film kagak jelas, but well sorry, u need to have a great brain 2 understand that movie :p emg sih agak aneeeeh dan some scenes rn't good to be watched by us hehehe thats yaaaaackieee! nah abis itu si zef nntn lg apa gitu kalo gasalah 30 days to nights ato apa hehe tp gue ndine cindy shrn jm ke kmarnya oji, tntu sm ojinya ngbrol" gitu hehe trus si oji malah otp, si sharon ama jm berduaan gitu deh maen ayunan ecieeeee :p eh katanya curhat"an, smpe smua org bngung dah sbnernya pacarnya si shrn tuh si jm ato si ...... -__________- eh pas nyokapnya oji si tante gahuuuuul pulang, kita semua balik ke ruang tamu, and ternyata ada inccident gitu deh, hpnya si shrn di umpetin sama............ kankan pada nuduh gue , ophya jd d umpetinnya itu di tasnya JM, hehe emang sih pada rese abis nuduh" gue, trus saling tuduh"an deh, kcuali 1 org yg cman bsa bela diri, tuh si zef, eh kita smua kan mikir dia dong, tp dia ttp gamo ngaku, terus gue suruh siapapun yg ngerasa nyembunyiin dan tau siapa ngaku, eh si kenny ngaku deh dia blg dia yg ngusulin tp zef yg umpetin, nah kan anehnya udh ada saksi gitu, tuh manusia bebal msh gamo ngaku oh please-_- udh d desek" ampe dia sumpah" kagak mo ngaku, ampe kita blg putus ama gaby loh, eh dia malah blg putusin aja, HEY MAAAAAAN LO KIRA LO CKEP BNYK YG MAU?! najis abis ada cowok kayak lo x_x tapi akhrnya skian lamaaaaaa kita mendesak dia ngaku juga, terus stelah itu nih ya, kita berdebat lg, kenapa?! karena bantuin zef mau pulang dia gapunya ongkos, eh tp sm aja deh udh kita pusing" ampe si tante gahoool juga pusing, si zef ttp aja bebal-_______- udahlah manusia macem lo mati aja weeeeey! dan sampe akhirnya kita pulang deeeeeh :) pelajaran yg gue dpet hr ini : jangan berbohong nnti org" d sekitar lo gbkal percaya sm lo lg!

keep relationships working

1. Love each other
2. Don't lie
3. Keep communication open
4. Stay sweet
5. When you get hurt just forgive and forget
6. Never talk about break-ups
7. Never say it's okay even when it's not
8. Forget about "pride" 9. If you say sorry mean it
10. Don't compare your past with your present
11. Don't talk about your stupid ex's
12. Give and take process
13. Beware of his/her feelings
14. When you had a fight, don't let the day pass
15. Don't be the perfect one, be the right one

i hope this one is you....

random

heeeey :) waaaah hari ini seru sekali kawan" :):) pagi" gue ujian praktek haha oke ga selesai HTMLnya yah agak menyesal tp tdak perlu d bahas, setelah itu kan lg lthn apres, eh si dea cerita sumthing that makes me really sad :(:( gue lngsng nggis bombay entah kenapa-_- begoknya gua haha 2 jam d abisin dengan tangisan that's stupidhhhhh! wkwk hemm trus kan pulang sekolah gue ke grejanya mia, nah itu tuh msh dngan beban d hati gue *cieelaaah* hm, tapi disana geeeeez EVERYTHING CHANGE! dr awal tuh d ajak nyembah Tuhan well, disitu peweeee bgt lohhh haha dia itu seakan" mau ngjak remaja udah gausah ke diskotik, d greja tuh lebih seruloh, dan itu bener bgt! lo bsa all out muji Tuhan, mau smpe loncat" gpp tp inget itu untuk Tuhan hanya untuk memuliakan nama Tuhan hehe hmm ohya pas kan nania nyanyi kan, si garren tuh ngmng ' kalo menurut lo pada lagu ini nyentuh boleh ko berdiri' eh kan dia nyanyi 'because of who you are' and well that's my favorite songggg :):):) try to listen! eh tau ga gue mia echa sama elisha sama temennya echa berdiri plg pertama loh, dan gue bener" ga merasa malu karna disini gue cuman mau nyembah Tuhan! hehe masa buat Tuhan malu?!

nah abis itu kan khotbah, well om gilbert do the khotbah reallly goooood that touch hmmm dia tuh khotbah awalnya ttg dosa" kita d belakang, hmm mnurut gue itu sangat bergunaa bagi gue karna hidup gue yang dulu tuh bener" dikuasain sama setan, gue bandel bgt and i did many things that ppl won't guess haha tp gue mau bangkit setan boleh nguasain hidup gua dulu tapi kedepannya? GAAKAN! gue juga tadi kayak bener" melepas semua beban hidup, pergumulan gue , karna asal lo tau meskipun lo blg ke org" 'lo tuh ga ngerti apa yg gue rasain skrg' Tuhan selalu ngerti jd mending lo cerita sama dia, cuman dia yg mengerti lo luar dalem, bahkan lebih dr bonyok lo! :):) Tuhan Yesus tuh yg paling sayang sama lo, lebih dari siapapun! dan disaat lo sedih, ga guna deh tuh nanggis, mending lo apus terus tersenyum dan berkata, Tuhan Yesus akan terus peduli sama gue :) ohya jangan lupa loh, di balik orang sukses pasti ada masalah, ada orang yg nyakitin karena masalah' itu akan membuat iman kita lebiiiiih gede lagi! jd kalo ada masalah ato ada yg nyakitin hati lo, belajar dan lihat sisi baiknya :)

ohya kan kita udah mau UN US nihh hehe kita tuh harus melakukan dua hal belajar dan berdoa, mana nih yg lebih penting well the answer is belajar seperti doa tak ada kuasanya dan berdoa seperti belajar gada gunanya :):) Tuhan pasti bantu lo ko, gada yg mustahil p lo juga hrus berusaha, coba deh kalo belajar doa dulu sm Tuhan, kalo mau ujian juga sblom ngerjain ato msuk ruangan sempetin doa, masa sih buat Tuhan gada waktu?! haha ohya terus mending yg kepahitan" dl hati lo, pergumulan keluarin dulu, biar lo juga lega, biar Tuhan Roh Kudus bsa bener" mengisi hati lo! jangan ada dendam :):) ohya kelupaan, gue pengen bgt gue bsa nyembah Tuhan semaximal ini bukan cuman saat gue d greja td, tp dalam setiap hal yg gue lakuin, smua hal hanya untuk kemuliaan Tuhan! :)

You are the Way, the Truth and the Light

We live by faith and not by sight for You, 

We're living all for You......

adolescents and parents rules

hell-o peeppoooo :) well i am taking this title, cause i think mostly teenagers have much problems w their parents rules, well im one of them! well actually the point is sometimes parents treat us same as their parents treat them when tey were a teen but HELL-O era's changing mom dad! but sometimes they still won't understand :( my parents are alike, they always says ' when i was a child....... ' oh geez i'm exhausted.
and well, actually the one thing teenagers need is FREEDOM! we hate being restraint, we just want that our parents never over protect us lyk calling us every hour asking where are you, when will you come home? or other sick things! but sometimees i ignore their call and said ' sorry mom, i didn't hold my phone, and i silent it' HAHA and she won't say anything again. ah udahlah cpek ngmng inggris nti ke indo yeeeeaaaaah :p hmm, terus yang paling gue benci itu soal jalan, pasti di tanya hmm kamu pergi sama siapa nanti pulang jam berapa? jangan malem" ya, nonton apa blablabla YaTuhan gue udaaaah gede!!!!! i can take care of myself lah ya, ga ampe diculik juga haha siapa coba yg mau culik! dan kedua gue benci bgt di larang" soal pake baju! nyokap gue itu baweeeeeeel banget astaga heeeeek this is my body, and i do have a big self confidence! ya pasti kan apa yang menurut lo bagus ya itulah yg lo pake, nah nyokap gue itu terlalu melarang" gue memakai baju yg well, menurut dia ga bagus! udahlah hushushush i hate it! yah itulah hal" yang gue benci dr ortu gue, hmm walaupun skrg dia udh ga gitu perduli soal pergi'an gue keluyuran dan itu semua gara" bokap gue haha dia memng lebih mengerti gue :):) tapi tetep aja gue kadang suka iri sama orang" yang ga perna di kekang, ga d kasih jam malem, ga di atur" ya walaupun gue tau emang ortu gue namanya lebih perhatian sama gue dan gamau gue kenapa" tpkan gue gabakalan setiap hari juga pulang malem! and oh yaaaaa saat gue SMA nanti, gue kan tinggal ama tante gue tuh dan yeaaaah gue sudah bener' bisa membayangkan gimana kehidupan gue nanti yg pasti dikekang lebih mateng dr pada sama ortu gue, hhhh siap" aja deh gue tahan uji! dimana: orang tuh masa" SMA d pake have fun eh gue?! penyiksaaaaan!!!!!! okelah segini aja curahan hati gue kali ini well byeee :)

dear someone ............

I try to talk to you, but I don't know what to say. I am afraid you don't want me to say anything. So I don't. But inside of me there are words waiting to come out. And tell you how I feel-like how I miss you. And how I love you despite my broken heart. And how I need you in my life. And especially how much I want you to come back. But those words may forever stay in myheart-locked inside. Sometimes I wonder if there are words locked inside you too... but I'll never know.

they can smile, why can't i?

hell-o peppoooo (: i'm going to share my story about today! hmm today i went to an orphanage at kelapa gading well i don't really know what the name of that orphanage is!-_- i really enjoy my visit, then i met aboy named peter he's a really brave boy, and i bet he's smart :) he asled me so many thinks bout my handphone bout my camera and he said that he likes photography, well thats a lil bit strange for a 1st-grade-pirmary-student then he also likes music, he can play 'gendang' and i really see he's so into guitar! and guess what? he's birthday is april 5th yeah 4 days after mine ;) i promised him to come on his bday bring him some present and i won't lie ;) here i got a picture with him: 

  

well this picture is taken by his friend called brandon HAHA brandon is also an interesting kid. he asked me to borrow my phone and when i didn't allow he said ' ih pelit nanti masuk neraka loh ' haha i can't stop myself smiling then i gave it to him :) then when we're doing a sermon, a little boy sang a song geez i really want to cry but then i hold 'em! he sang 'pelangi kasih' but then he sang it lyk this:

apa yang ku alami kini

mungkin tak dapat aku mengerti

cobaan yang aku alami 

tak melebihi kekuatanku

tangan Tuhan sedang merenda

suatu karya yang agung mulia

saatnya kan tiba nanti

ku lihat pelangi kasihNya :)

but then he still can smile!  then all of the children said : ' walaupun mama papa aku meninggalkan aku, tapi aku tahu Tuhan Yesus ga akan meninggalkan aku' okey that's touching! they can smile, they can play, they really understand that they are left by their parents but then they're happy with their new family! then i watch myself, i have so many things their didn't have i have my parents, my brother and sisters, i got too many blessings but then my smile wasn't even happier than theirs :( but then i'll try, i'll try to thank God for every blessings in my life, and maybe i need to study much more things from those orphans :)

what-a-damn-day

a day full of facts coming out, cries, regrets, heart-breaks, the point is today wasn't really my day! feel like i've forgotten every single words of God! :'(:'(:'(:'(:'(

Amore ha bisogno di fede!

after 2 posts about life dilemas then i'll write another love post! hmm, love is the most interesting topic for teens, isn't it? does anyone know what does the title of this post means? after reading my post well you'll know :)

i believe that all of you have ever felt the wonderful side of being in love and also the worse side of it! but is that love something that will last forever or it's just that simple junior-high-love or high-school-love that most people say wouldn't last forever? actually, i believe in those statement 50% and disbelieve 50%. sometimes it doesn't make sense if there's a couple that will last from junior-high till they marry! yeah well maybe the scale is about 1:1000. but then there's three type of the junior-high couple till marry. first, they are in  relationship from junior-high/high-school, till marry without any break up! second, they were a junior-high couple but they break up and they met when they're big and have a marriage, third they were a junior-high couple they break-up but then they're still friends and in love but doesn't stand in a relationship! which one do you prefer?

actually, we have to learn the way Jesus loves us :) he never cares about or badness or goodness, the only point is he will love us always and forever! could human love their fellow as good has loved them? if we can't then how can we love our almighty God? 

then when we talk about love actually what most matter is TIME , people says "i will love you FOREVER" and others say "i will wait for you FOREVER" well, forever really exists but DOES FOREVER EXIST IN LOVE? the first thing you should remember is never make a promise if you're not sure whether you can do it or not! why? cause if one of you broke those promise it will really hurt the one you've promised to! and then you'll be also hurt cause then he may broke his too! but then there's only one way one act one word to make FOREVER really exist in a relationship! all you need is FAITH . if you have a faith in loving someone you will never really stop loving that person, and then if he/she is gone, with putting faith on their return it might become real! i am a dreamer and i am never afraid in having too high expectation, why? cause i believe in it with faith! people say 'don't have to high expectation cause when it doesn't become real you'll get down!' it's not true! cause the time you'll get down that's the time devil will tempt you, just run to God ;) and then if you really love someone faithfully, he/she won't be able to turn back from you, well they may move on but then by watching your faithful and sincerity love they'll be back and won't ever ever let go of you ;) so the point is LOVE NEEDS FAITH!

WHAT-A-LIFE

hell-o, udah lama yak engga nulis blog, hem okay padahal sebenernya gue baru punya blog dan baru kurang-lebih 4 hari engga nulis. kenapa? yak karena gue baru saja menghadapi*cieelah* tryout rayon. tepatnya hari selasa dan rabu tanggal 1 dan 2 bulan maret taun 2011! hari pertama itu matematika dan bahasa, dan yg bikin nyesek itu mat gue udh salah 2 :( itu yang ketauan lah? gimana yg engga ketauan, terus bahasa, hmm lebih susah lagi! ya gue emang bener" bego dalam bahasa indonesia! hari ke 2(hari ini) gue TO IPA sama inggris, nah ini nih lebih nyesek lagi IPA gue salah 5, dan inggris udah 2, itu yg ketauan! sebenernya sih yang nyesek bgt itu IPA loh gue udh bela"in bangun jem 3 tadi pagi eh salah 5 ckck, cuman gue berusaha untuk engga larut dalam penyesalan ya kalo bisa gusah nyesel lah, TO itu *seperti kata guru"* jadiin buat belajar, kan kita udah salah nih nah kalo ada soal kayak gitu lagi yak semoga ga salah lagi, hehe ameeeeeen! eheh tunggu *alur:maju-mundur* tau ga masa fisika nmr 1 gue udah salah?! dan tau ga soalnya apa? baca stopwatch!!!! yg buat menit gue blg detik eh yg buat detik gue blg menit, dan itu TOLOL! cuman sih kalo kayak gini kesalahan yg fatal gaakan gue lupain dan gue jadikan pelajaran! HAHA ohiya, td pagi juga si sir sangkuh khotbah gitu ttg ujian" hidup, dia blg ujian itu harus kita hadapi untuk menjadikan masa depan yg lebih indah *sebenernya ga gitu tapi kurang lebih maksutnya gitu*.

di dalam hidup itu banyaaaaaaak sekali ujian, hmm bukan cuman ujian" dari sekolah. ada ujian yang berat ada yang ringan" aja. tapi jangan karena ujian" itu kita jadi mikir kalau hidup itu menyengsarakan! well, i've taught lyk this before, tapi semakin gue larut dan terus-terusan memikirkan masalah itu gue semakin tau kemana arah yang harus gue tempuh! yak satu"nya jalan itu berserah sama Tuhan! remember:

1. Tuhan itu ga pernah mengijinkan sesuatu terjadi kalau dia tau anak"Nya tdk bsa menghadapi! sama kayak semua Firman yang Dia firmankan di alkitab, Tuhan bilang Dia tidak akan berfirman jika Ia tahu anak"nya tdak mungkin melakukannya! jadi sebenernya semua yang Tuhan firmankan itu pasti kita bisa lakuin! *oke menyimpang tp biarlah gue memberitakan sejenak* 
2. Selalu berdoa minta penyertaan Tuhan dan rajin-rajin baca alkitab supaya lo tau apa yang Tuhan inginkan dalam hidup lo! dalam segala kesedihan, kesakitan, kepahitan dalam hidup lo, jangan pernah cari pelarian yang membuat lo jauh dari Tuhan, ya lari ke hal" yang gabener *ngertilahya maksut gue* ya mungkin emang hal-hal kayak gitu bisa bikin lupa masalah lo sejenak, tapi setelah itu apa maslah lo akan selesai? apa lo akan lupa maslah lo? engga kan!! tapi percaya sama gue kalo lo berdoa, minta penyertaan Tuhan pasti damai Roh Kudus bakal ada dalam diri lo! dan dengan lo baca alkitab, lo bakal tau gimana cara lo ngadepn ujian" / masalah" dalam hidup lo! try it! OUR GOD IS BIGGER THAN A PROBLEM!
3. jangan pernah berpikir kalau lo orang paling malang di dunia!kalo lo pernah punya pikiran kayak gitu lo bener" salah, hey, jangan menganggap diri lo orang yang paling harus di kashiani, kadang kita blg ke org laen ' lo gatau rasanya jadi gue' well, emang beberapa orang ga tau dan gaakan tau tapi tetep aja sesedih'nya hidup lo seberat"nya masalah lo, cobalah untuk berfikir 'masalah gue kecil, gue pasti bisa ngadepinnya!' dan ada orang lain yang lebih patut di kasihani dr pada gue! dan kadang masalah kita itu makin menjadi" bukan karena emang masalah itu besar tapi pikiran kita yang negatif! 

lo mungkin berpikir gue ngemeng doang haha but so sorry you're totally wrong, gue bener" pernah ngalamin semua yang gue tulis dan ya walaupun ada masalah yang emang belom selesai tapi gue sadar, masalah gue sbenernya masalah kecil yang bisa gue selesain tapi gue selalu berusaha untuk lari dari itu, gue engga bisa menghadapi itu. kalau masalah yang lain antara temen antara orang tua atau dll, hmm privacy pasti akan selalu gue hadapi, dan cara gue dulu dan sekarang bener" berbeda! kita masih muda, masalah kita pasti bukan masalah rumit yang suka d hadepin sama orang tua kita! so always try to fix it ;)